It was just after I heard what happened with Choutarou and Hiyoshi on the night of the full moon, and I was really upset and worried and scared. Hikaru commented on my lj then, and I made the mistake of asking him is Hiyoshi would be okay. Hikaru reacted on instinct to protect him, which to me sounded like....well. Like he thought I was looking to find out stuff about Hiyoshi so I could harm him. :(
And that sort of brought the walls down on me, because I thought . . . I thought Hikaru didn't care about what I am. But obviously he didn't trust me at all with a kneejerk reaction like that, and it just . . . deteriorated from there. You can read the comments for yourself, that post is open. http://curious-kit.livejournal.com/10930.html
Then this weekend, I left a message for Hikaru on my journal, asking if things were beginning to quiet down. I know he's been kept at Mr. Saeki's mansion, so I thought maybe he'd have an idea. And that's when things got really out of hand. God, what a mess. Look. Can you promise to me that you will never tell a soul anything I might tell you about Hikaru?
Alright. I've filtered that other post so that you can read it now. It's... It's not pretty, okay? And it's me doing all the non-pretty things there. :(
Actually, there are more posts. You can look at all of them, I think they explain as well as I can just how I've been feeling these last couple of weeks. :(
http://curious-kit.livejournal.com/11126.html#cutid1 http://curious-kit.livejournal.com/11307.html#cutid1 http://curious-kit.livejournal.com/12671.html#cutid1 This is the one from Saturday.
Do you think it'll do any good? I mean, I've pretty much said I don't trust him -- just like I thought he didn't trust me. And to be honest, I'm not sure that . . . I'm not sure I do. Not that he'll harm me or anything like that, but that he . . . maybe he really, deep down inside, does mind that I'm a werecreature with the ability to curse others with the same thing?
I just don't know what to do. It's like whenever I become friends with someone and not posing as human, it just . . . goes badly. I end up hurt and my friend ends up hurt.
I know he's good people! That's why this is all so totally fucked up. :(((( I shouldn't leave this to you, it's my mess I should clean it up. I just . . . I need to apologise to him, at least.
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And that sort of brought the walls down on me, because I thought . . . I thought Hikaru didn't care about what I am. But obviously he didn't trust me at all with a kneejerk reaction like that, and it just . . . deteriorated from there. You can read the comments for yourself, that post is open. http://curious-kit.livejournal.com/10930.html
Then this weekend, I left a message for Hikaru on my journal, asking if things were beginning to quiet down. I know he's been kept at Mr. Saeki's mansion, so I thought maybe he'd have an idea. And that's when things got really out of hand. God, what a mess. Look. Can you promise to me that you will never tell a soul anything I might tell you about Hikaru?
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Actually, there are more posts. You can look at all of them, I think they explain as well as I can just how I've been feeling these last couple of weeks. :(
http://curious-kit.livejournal.com/11126.html#cutid1
http://curious-kit.livejournal.com/11307.html#cutid1
http://curious-kit.livejournal.com/12671.html#cutid1 This is the one from Saturday.
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I just don't know what to do. It's like whenever I become friends with someone and not posing as human, it just . . . goes badly. I end up hurt and my friend ends up hurt.
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I'm sorry.
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